My “I’m riding up north for 5 hours on a Saturday afternoon and it’s terribly hot out” blog.
Mother-in-law called yesterday morning – through my 9 year old son – to ask if we’ll stop on our way up and pick up fresh produce (corn and peaches). We’ll need to drive through Sheridan and stop at the produce stand. Do I know where said produce stand is? No. Will I call and ask MIL where it is? That is also negative. We’ll drive up and down the main (and only) stretch of road in Sheridan and bitch for 15 minutes that we are unable to find where we are going. Only then will we get up the gumption to call MIL and ask where the fuck she finds the most out of the way produce stands to stop at because Sheridan is out of the way on our path to the UP. 3-4 quarts of peaches. 2 dozen ears of sweet corn. But when she called, I was asleep and was barely able to see out of my one eye still as I was trying to txt my instructions to myself to read later which eventually came out as “34 peaches and 2 dzn corn ears” Not the least bit tangible later in the day when I’m trying to decipher what the eff I was supposed to be buying for her… who the fuck buys 34 peaches?
Connecticut is with GF this weekend I think. I knew he was with her on Thursday night and something about Drill for the weekend, but I dunno what’s going on. He said he’ll be home on Sunday so I’ll prolly talk to him then. Though I doubt I’ll send him the pictures that hubby and I took last night. I recently bought a couple of new toys… one is a clit pump… ever use one? No? Me either. It is a little better than the pussy pump my husband so affectionately bought me once and used once. That shit is crazy. I likened it to giving birth to my son. He was more than 10 pounds when he was born and they wouldn’t give me drugs and well… fucking ouch! Yeah, I tried using it without him after that. And that wasn’t so bad except afterwards it made my junk look bruised and beaten. She’s been in my drawer since. Clit pump uses the same idea… you put it over the part you want pumped and you squeeze the little bulb and up gets sucked your junk. Rule number one is to do it yourself when it involves the word “Pump.” Nothing feels worse than having ALL of your important parts suddenly grabbed a hold of and taken into another room. Okay, so it doesn’t actually take your junk into another room but it certainly feels like it’s trying. Anyway… also bought was the second largest dildo I’ve ever seen. Now, I’ve not seen a lot of dildo’s really, but this one… sweet baby jesus! Now, let me tell you that they told me that it was 8 inches. I can’t imagine that it was just 8 inches. I got the 8 incher because after measuring my hubby once a long time ago and knowing he measured over 8 inches then over the years getting accustom to his size and wondering if that day a long time ago I was wrong so measuring him again and realzing that I was right, he’s over 8 inches… I got the8 incher because I was fairly certain that I could handle it. Well, I opened the box the first day and could only gawk… holy mary mother of god this thing is fucking huge. There is no way I’ll be able to have this thing inside me without it hurting me. I’m gonna die. And there is a suction cup on the end so I can suction it to something (bathtub) and straddle it. And maybe take pictures. .. pictures? Of the crazy huge cock inside me? Okay, we’re going to a have conversation about whether or not it’ll even make it there. I’m honestly scared. And this was Monday. I looked at it 3 or 4 times. Took a pic or two with it in my hand to show it to people… like Cass or Ape. “Look how big this son of a bitch is!” I’d say. Yeah… Last night he thought we’d try it out. Ugh! He first tried the pump but no… I did it myself and that was fine but I couldn’t let him do it for me. No thank you. I did quite well myself, thank you. Oh, it also vibrates. Oh, I also still want to get a smaller one. One that’ll go after just the clit. I’m sure I could be drivin just crazy with one of them… okay off subject. So he let me use the pump myself and he got king-dong out thought he’d use that at the same time. You know, I did cum… and it didn’t take too long… But that mother fucker HURTS! It can’t go deep… it can’t go hard.. But it certainly gets the job done!
So back on that produce stand. MIL did a pretty good job… it was just right in town and wouldn’t you know it, both of the girls knew where the damn thing was because they’d both been to it.. losers.
Here’s a question… why are the lakes in Edmore fluorescent green? Okay, maybe not fluorescent but damn close. I don’t want to swim there.
We’ve never taken this way before. Thru Sheridan, Stanton, Edmore, Vestaburg… yup , definitely new. We do get to see new scenery though. If you’ve ever taken this trip, you’d know that the drive between M66 and 127 is the longest ever drive… ever. Okay, maybe not ever but I certainly feels it sometimes. This time we’re going a slightly different route to the expressway and well… we’ve not gotten to it yet. It has to come eventually right?
I dreamed last night that I had a baby… The baby was Keelee and she was mine, but nonetheless. I had a baby. I miss having a baby. Westley grew up faster than I ever expected. I’m very sad about that. But I’m kinda glad that I’m done… This trip would be such a whore with a baby. Westley was a good baby. He didn’t hate the trip so much. I know that Keelee (my niece) can be pretty damn stubborn and cry for days if she doesn’t get her way.
Okay, I’ve pretty much run out of things to say here. So when I find something else, I’ll let ya know.. Its starting to drizzle out. Lovely. I’ll have to put the windows up and I can’t havethat… Its TOO hot and my air conditioning blows.. and by blows I mean it doesn’t…. TTFN.
Oh, and we just found the expressway.
SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!!! GOD DAMN AIR PLANES! NOT EVEN JUST AIRPLANES EITHER. FUCKING NINE MILITARY PLANES!! The other day we were driving back from dropping Gabi off at her bfs house and Steve saw a hawk on top of a pole and thought he’d point out how cool it looked and as I started looking into the sky for whatever airplane that was about to be flying at me, I saw this hawk dive at something and still thinking Steve was pointing at an airplane, I freaked out when is aw the hawk and screamed. Then was slightly embarrassed and annoyed.
Okay, going… again. More news in one hour-ish.
And obviously by “hour-ish” I mean not so much. It’s 11:18 PM on Saturday night. We ended up watching Brokeback Mountain on the way up. We = me and the girls. I even let them watch that part. It didn’t hurt them and it wasn’t so bad and the sun was glaring onto the computer screen so it’s all good. J
I’ll be talking with Him tomorrow. I’m not sure really what time we’ll even get home. Steve has rehearsal and we want to stop to see the ponies. And MIL and FIL will go to church in the morning. Church. Ugh! They’ll honk us awake and we’ll go in and make breakfast. Pancakes and sausages and stuff. Then we’ll go visit the ponies and then we’ll probably go home from there. It’s about 5 hours to drive and we’ll have Westley with us now and I’ve gotta help Steve run his lines for his play and then we’ll hopefully be home. I’m going to drop him off to the barn probably to build on the set for his show Fools. Maybe I’ll have most of the evening to myself. What I’ll really hate though is him coming home mid conversation with Him. Last time he did that I was in the middle of a camera show with Him and he walked in and had to sit and gawk at me. I am fine when I am alone and I will do whatever I can but for some reason as soon as Steve walks in I want to stop what I am doing and I am no longer all about what I’m doing for Him. I’m worried about Steve and whether or not he’ll be mad or how I might look doing it. SO self conscience. I would feel much better if I was alone doing it and I know that Steve will come home and I’ll be talking with Him and something will happen where It’ll be ruined. Steve’s got a girl now to talk to… I won’t give her name because that is just wrong but they’ve known each other for quite a few years and now they are doing a play together and have been pretty chummy. She’s really cool. I mostly like her. There was a time during my show that I wanted her to do cast and crew pictures with us but she was all about not doing it and it pissed me off and well, then another guy was all being a prick too and finally I just EFF IT! So oh well… She’s cool though. They’ve been texting and stuff and I guess they have been playing truth or dare via phone and email. I don’t mind him talking to this girl because she is our age and she has a bf who I am not completely against hooking up with but the last time he was talking with a girl she was just 17 years old and he was sending her pictures that he should not have sent and it pissed me off. She was too young and he could have gotten into way a lot of trouble for that. That was back during my trip to Iowa. Mmmm Iowa.. Love that state. Though I wish I had more stories for you from it. Is it bad that I can still remember what he smelled like when he hugged me goodbye? I miss him so much. We talk almost daily really and its like nothing has changed with us. He has every opportunity to stop talking to me. It isn’t like he lives nearby or that I can go find out what’s up if he did stop talking to me or something. He doesn’t have to answer any of my emails.. For that matter, he could delete or change everything.. emails… MySpace… everything. The only thing he really cannot change is his work email because that is Army related and well… they won’t do it. So all he’d have to do is make it so I could not talk to him and there I’d be… not talking to him. Right? But no… like I’ve always said, He cannot quit me any more than I can quit him. We’ve been “together” for ten and a half years now. He’s a part of me and though I doubt I could ever get him to admit it, I’m a part of him. There are so many things that I’d do for him if he asked me. And there are things he’d never ask of me. He would never admit to any feelings for me… any more than he’s already admitted to in the past. He would never ask me to leave here. Yes, he has admitted to me that he did have very strong feelings for me once. I am not exactly sure if I could pinpoint when these feelings arose but I am guessing it had something to do with when he came here 3 years ago. I think that might be why we didn’t talk for several months afterwards. He felt that we couldn’t be together and he had to get out. But it only lasted a few months before there we were again. Back to where we are now. He always told me though that he was unsure if he’d ever be able to be with me due to my being married and such. And I have always respected that of him. He is not about to ruin someone’s family for his own selfish needs… and it doesn’t help the way I feel about him.
The way I feel about him… my god. I guess I have no way to really explain that. He frustrates me and makes me so fucking crazy day in and day out. He goes one minute telling me how much he wants me and what he wants to do to me to “I’ll be with the gf tonight.” The gf… Trina is her name… and Jan is her mother’s name. I hate that I know that. I fucking H A T E that I have to know his girlfriends mothers name. But how I found out about it is quite interesting. Its rather nice to be the girl in the hotel room lying next to him while he’s on the phone pretending that everything is just peachy. That was actually a little bit of a turn on because I was lying next to him and he was very good about pretending that all was good. Good thing my phone was shut off J Honestly though… Going to him there was something I really felt I needed to do. Nothing was accomplished in my going there… in fact things got even more complicated. Shit hit the fan when I got back… I screamed at Steve about my feelings. Something I should have never done. He hates Him. Steve does… I cannot blame him even a little tiny bit. Its my own fault and Steve will never believe that nothing I say in regards to Him. It turns him on to know that I’m doing something on cam for him – especially when he walks in on me doing it – but past that he hates it and I know he does and if I were him I would hate it too. It isn’t something that I can control. I suppose I could stop talking to him too, but I cannot see that ever happening either. It would have to be something that he did and did of his own accord. If his gf was to tell him that he had to stop talking to me and never speak to me again… well, I honestly don’t know what he would do. I know he’s worried she’ll rip his dick off at some point for talking to me but nothing has ever happened with us. Not even so much as a kiss. There are things I want to ask him every fucking day and I never would or could because I’m worried about his reaction or frankly the truth and I don’t want to break what we have now. What we have now is ours and ours alone and having to share it with anyone drives me nuts. No, you may not know what we’ve talked about so don’t ask anymore. Sorry. And my god, what was I thinking just yesterday. HE sent me a picture of himself the other day in glasses… I think I always knew there were glasses of some sort but It had been so long since I’ve heard or seen anything regarding them I just totally forgot and then this picture came and he was wearing glasses and boys in glasses are the hottest things I’ve seen ever and Him in glasses about killed me right there. I put the picture on my phone as my background and Steve got my phone and I just wanted him to put it down and not open it and I started freaking out and finally I just said eff it and he saw and ugh. Now my background is Steve and me. I took it randomly with my celly. And since I’ll be riding next to Steve on the way home, I thought I’d be best if I changed the background pic on my lappy too from Him so it wasn’t seen and Steve didn’t drive us off the road…
Close to 1 am on Sunday morning. I’ve been writing on and off for about an hour. Gabi and I are sitting in the camper and Steve got bent over my lappy being open and my typing too loud. Honestly, how does one type too loud? It’s not like I’m trying to type loud or anything. I think I might have run out of things to say here or things I can say here considering where this is going to end up tomorrow afternoon. I have not been blogging and I should be blogging. But Steve was right. Knowing that he is reading them, I have less of a want to do it. I should really not worry about what he’ll say or do and just write. Shouldn’t I…? Okay, its up to you now. Comments and tell me if you think I should just type and not worry or I should censor… And Steve – your vote doesn’t count! Goodnight. (12:56 am)
2:23 AM.
Still not in bed. Just spent the last hour and a half reading old conversations I’ve had with Him in the last few months. Since April or so I think. I don’t’ save conversations on my yahoo or my msn because they’d be quite easy to read if someone got onto my laptop but I was saving them anyway? Stupid! So I deleted them too. Not after one last read though. He’s so hard to read. Sometimes I can talk to him about anything and tell him anything I want to and other times I cannot tell him anything. Sometimes he will talk openly to me about anything and sometimes all I get out of him is yes and no and maybe and other one worded answers. I like it better the other way. I like it better when he’s in the mood to talk to me and then I don’t have a problem getting into conversation with him that I am going to hate reading later. Many of them I hated reading because all he’d say is one or two word answers and I talk a helluva lot… hence the length of the current blog.
Okay, okay. I’ll go to bed now. Gosh! More tomorrow. *Kiss*
Good Afternoon. Here on Sunday afternoon. 12:54 PM. We just left the Springsteen cabin and are now headed south toward the mackinaw bridge. I am not fond of that bridge. Is big. We got a little bit of an earlier start than we did yesterday so that’s cool. The trip then didn’t seem to take so long. I hope today’s doesn’t either. I hoped last night that I’d have some sort of reception on my cell phone and I didn’t. But as soon as we left and got onto the road in front of MILs house I had reception. That was sorta bullshitty because If I had known that all I had to do was wander 50 feet out to the road to be in touch with civilization, I’d have stood out there most of the night. Gabi and I laid in the camper talking until well after 3 am… probably closer to four am. We just talked about a bunch of stuff. Steve stood us being in the camper with him for a total of 3 minutes before my typing and Gabi’s disco flashlights drove him into the back bedroom that was unused because Jessica is too afraid to sleep in there and opted for the couch instead. My hair still smells like hot tub. We sat out in it last night until the heat finally got to us and we got out.
We just drove over the mackinaw bridge and are now back in the lower peninsula. Gas up here in Mackinaw City is a dime more expensive than that in Belding and twenty cents more than we got it at the corner of 57 and 66. Have I honestly run out of things to say that I am telling you now what gas prices are? Saginaw is 185 miles… we’ve got over 200 miles to drive. Omg… the drive here wasn’t so bad but now…
I guess I’ll tell you more when I have something to tell… 1:17 PM
3:48 PM.
We’re at a McDonalds in Shepard, MI. I could get internet here but I’m not sure I need to pay even just $3 for 2 hours of internet when we aren’t even going to be here for just 15 minutes or so and only about 2 hours from home I’m sure I can go that much longer without internet. Besides I can check both msn and yahoo on my phone along with all of my emails and I can txt too. So who cares.
I slept next to Gabi last night and not Steve. Sort of refreshing not to have him move closer and closer and closer to me in the night and throw a leg over me until I cannot move and feel like him being held down so I cannot move even if it is to get up and use the bathroom. I hate that. Mm. Sweet tea. Holy Sweet tea! I guess I shoulda tasted it before exclaiming “Mm.” I think they like a little bit of tea and water with their sugar. Note to self: Only order TEA next time – not sweet tea.
I just talked to My sister. She’s home still having not left her husband and moved to my house. I’m going to need to stop on the way home and get some fly spray. I hate summer. Filet-o-fish = Gross. Fish are not square therefore they should not come in square patties. Perfectly square patties. Odd. Its been a while since I’ve eaten here. I better not make a habit out of it. And I certainly will not be making a habit out of sweet tea. I’m about to be sick on their sugar. Cuz Damn! And with that, Miss Elle Kay is outty til she gets home. 4:02 PM and my computer is about to lose battery. I’ll see ya after my shower. *Kiss*
5:57 PM
HOME! Just walked in the door and dropped things and plugged in lappy and logged on… First thing came up was Him telling me that he cannot log on tonight nor make the phone call that was promised to me on Thursday. Ugh! I fucking hate that. Stupid GF is probably with him tonight. I’ve been looking forward to tonight since Thursday and I’ve completed all of my missions. Now I don’t know when he’ll find that out. All I replied was “Right. Roger out.” And that’s all I can say. I have no right to complain about what he does or is doing. I can only just fucking deal with it and wait my turn… again. Always again. I hate the word “Again”
Now I am just broke. I have nothing to do. I have been looking forward to right now since I talked to him on Thursday and I wanted to talk to him. I miss him… this is day 3 that I’ve not talked to him and before that we talked practically every day for 2 weeks… Damnit! I’m so pissed now! So not in the mood now to freaking blog. Just gonna post this one now…
Posted by jellocee 
Posted by jellocee 
Posted by jellocee 
