Tin or Aluminum

Happy 10th Anniversary, baby.

We’ve been married for 10 years now. I know we’ve had our ups and downs. I’m fully aware that i’m to blame for most of the downs but i will do my best to make the next 10 lots better. In fact, I’ll make our next 100 years together be fantastic. I love you.

 I. Love. You.

 And nothing and no one will change it. I’m yours. Always.

You know what? Ouch!

What does that mean? “Morning…. eventually” That’s all the email said. I didn’t reply to it. There was nothing to reply to. So I just didn’t say anything. I went to bed. Why bother emailing back anyway. I was rarely ever replied to anyway. I sit up late each night waiting and checking and watching for a reply to an email that I never get. It’d been that way for weeks. Even phone calls were rare. Once in 2 weeks – for 15 minutes. Why bother?  So nothing… no emails to, none from. The weekend came. I never hear anything on the weekend anyway. For that matter, except for the emails at night, i never heard anything… not even an offline message.

Until monday… An offline message at 4 AM “Not talking to me?” then “I guess not”

What is that all about?

 I replied to those, but knew he’d not get them, so i just emailed. “You can’t do that,” I told him. “Assume the worst when i dont’ reply at 4 in the morning” I told him that his not contacting me proved that he had no time for me. It was no big deal, right.

He agreed. He had been busy, but still assumed the worst.

Later, before i went to bed, I sent another… told him that I missed him. I actually think it was “I’m not doing well without you”

Harmless enough… I sort of expected an “I’m sorry, sweetie. But with the holidays and such… I miss you too but we’ll catch up soon.” Or something like that…

That’s not what I got. What I did get was “Stop with the head games” and “It’s christmas, for christsake” and “…i’ll not deal well with this shit!”

Wha?

 Head games? “I miss you” is a head game now? You’re phone was Out of Order for a week, and now i’m playing head games? You’re leaving in a few weeks and my missing you is “shit!”

Go ahead – organize your stuff – catch up on… whatever it is that you need to catch up on and whoever you need to catch up with.

What ever happend to “I like knowing you’re there.” because you don’t seem to be bothered by my being MIA now. Yeah, it sucks for me to not email you. And I know you are too proud – or busy – to take that first step. Or I’ve bored you. I’m not 22 and a stick figure. I’m not a battered wife living with my soon to be ex husband. Or claiming to be. I don’t know what the fuck I did wrong.

I found him… should i regret that? He certainly isn’t givng me reason not to. Now i’m going to spend the next…well… nine or so weeks getting used to not having my friend. I don’t expect him to give a fuck enough to contact me before he leaves on holiday for 5 weeks. And because I don’t feel that i’ve done anything wrong, i won’t contact him. He owes me an apology. He’s in a funk, fine – but that is certainly NO excuse to swear at me when all i did was miss him.

I know that If i don’t hear from him on Christmas (in 6 days) I’ll be fine. But I’ll be far less forgiving If i don’t hear from him on my bday (in 12 days) And at that point, i’ll let him know.